I Walked up the snow-covered steps of a quaint bungalow, excited to meet a two-month-old little boy and his mama. She had sent me an email a few days prior; all it said was, “I need help with my baby, he’s crying all the time. Can you do anything?” This is common story in my inbox. I replied I could be there Wednesday.

I knocked on her door, and a beautiful thirty-something woman answered, bouncing a bundle. We sat down on her couch and started to chat. She said he’d been born on his due date, a beautiful delivery, and she was back at home 24 hours later. Breastfeeding hurt in the hospital, but she was told that was “normal” and it would get better. A week later, still trying to “push through”, she couldn’t take it any longer, and went to her local breastfeeding clinic. Her little man had a tongue tie, they said, a common reason for breastfeeding pain. The physician clipped the tongue tie in the office and sent her home with instructions on how to move forward. She continued “pushing on” and did feel some relief, but continued to struggle with supply and latch issues. She was back and forth between clinics and private consultants, as she was desperate to breastfeed. She had dreamed of nursing her baby, like many moms, and the journey had consumed their household. She could not get a comfortable latch no matter what she tried or whose help she enlisted. She was consumed with trying and not giving up. I watched this woman become more teary and shaky as her story progressed. She told me he was gaining weight, but was very fussy and cried at the breast and throughout most of the day and night. Her husband had taken the day off work to be home for our appointment and he sat quietly with his arm around his wife and babe.

I first told her she was doing a beautiful job with her son. I told her the best part of my morning so far was getting to witness the way she looked at him and that I could hear the efforts she had been putting in to try to establish pain-free breastfeeding and an ample supply. I acknowledged that her path sounded full of challenges and I asked her simply, “How are you feeling?”

She broke down. Sobbing in her living room, she told me that breastfeeding was a number one priority for her, and she had read all the books and had sought out so much help and support, but that she just couldn’t do it anymore. She went on to tell me that the stress of nursing had taken all the joy out of becoming parents and it was all both her and her husband could think about. I could see that this woman was full of anxiety and had some real red flags of depression. She shared that she cried alongside her baby throughout most of the day, and was starting to wonder how she was going to keep going. She wasn’t leaving the house and spent all day feeding and pumping.

“Do you want to keep breastfeeding?” I asked her. Both her and her husband looked at me in silence. I realized in this moment what this woman needed from me, a registered nurse and lactation consultant. She needed permission. I told her that the most important thing was that her baby felt loved and that as a mom she had the ability to nurture and care for her baby. I told her flat out, “It is okay to stop and give him a bottle of formula.”

She and her husband hugged and both started to cry. Minutes later, they said, “Thank you, we needed to hear that.”

This is such a controversial topic. #Fedisbest is flooding the internet, and there are so many varying opinions. As a lactation consultant, I am an advocate for breastfeeding, and will go the distance with any family to ensure it happens. But it is not up to anyone but that mother to decide when she has reached her limit. A mama’s mental health trumps breastfeeding. Every time. Breastmilk does not care for, nurture and bond with the baby. A mother does. I am not arguing the health benefits of breastfeeding. Those are known facts. I am talking about the part that just isn’t talked about enough: a mom’s mental health.

Last year, for a few days anyway, the whole country was talking about it. Suffering from postpartum depression, Vancouver mother Florence Leung ended her life two months after her baby was born. On her memorial Facebook page, her husband recently wrote the following:

“To all the new moms experiencing low mood or anxiety, please seek help and talk about your feelings. You are not alone. You are not a bad mother. Do not EVER feel bad or guilty about not being able to exclusively breastfeed.”

As you can guess, despite being an advocate for breastfeeding, I agree completely. Somewhere along the way, our well intentioned, health-benefit focused campaigns on breastfeeding have fueled the message of guilt, shame and pressure on moms that are struggling and it is time for that to change.

I recently received a card and photo in the mail from the mom who gave up breastfeeding after our visit. It was her guy’s one-year birthday. In the picture, I saw a healthy, thriving family. The note said that the day I gave her permission to stop breastfeeding was the day she felt a shift. The tears stopped. She started enjoying the little moments with her boy and their bond grew. She said she still has moments when she feels sad that she and her son missed out on the nursing experience, but she knows that stopping is what her family needed.

We need to stop arguing about what is better. Breastfeeding, formula, bottles, pumping. It isn’t something that is up to “us.” It is not social media’s business, your neighbour’s, your mother’s, or the business of that mom group you belong to. It is yours exclusively.

As much as I like #fedisbest, I think it should evolve into new movement: #momsmentalhealthmatters. A healthy mom is necessary for a healthy, thriving baby—and that is what matters.

Carrie Bruno is a registered nurse, lactation consultant and sleep coach who runs The Mama Coach in Calgary, Alberta. Some details of this story have been changed to protect the family’s privacy.

How likely is the mummy to succeed?

There isn’t a lot of research on relactation, but the studies that have been done suggest that, with proper support, most mothers can partially or fully relactate.

Some mummies were very fortunate. They can go from expressing a couple of drops of breast milk to a full supply AND get their baby back to the breast. It can range from a month to 4 months for some, but with lots of determination and effort, it is well worth it.

How is it possible?

Nature is a very clever thing. Breast stimulation alone sends important hormonal signals to switch milk production back on. It is a common misconception that once a woman’s milk has ‘dried up’, she can no longer breastfeed. However, this isn’t the case! Grandmothers have been known to relactate to feed their grandchildren!

How do mummies do it?

Learning the basics of breastfeeding is a great place to start. Breastfeeding works on a supply and demand basis, so the more the baby feeds and the breast is stimulated, the more milk the mother produces.

Learn how to recognise if your baby is getting enough milk. Is he producing six wet nappies in 24 hours and if under five weeks, is he pooping three or more times a day? Is he gaining weight?

If the baby will latch onto the breast:

Try to put the baby to the breast as often as possible (every 2-3 hours at least). Even before any milk is being produced, nipple stimulation will release the hormone prolactin which encourages the growth of breast tissue.

Learn how to recognise a good latch. A baby that latches on effectively will stimulate your supply in a way that a baby latching on poorly won’t. Has the baby got a nice wide-open mouth? Is it pain-free? If breastfeeding feels uncomfortable, do get support.

Ways of stimulating your milk supply whether or not the baby will latch on:

1. Skin to skin time: Even if the baby isn’t feeding, have skin-to-skin time. Keep the baby on or close to your body as much as possible. This will stimulate the release of hormones needed for milk production and encourage the baby to feed. You could try wearing the baby in a sling. You can bottle-feed skin-to-skin and near the breast
2. Good Grade Pump: Use a pump or hand express for 10-15 minutes on each breast several times a day. Ideally, at least eight times in 24 hours. Don’t worry about how much (or little!) milk you can express. The nipple stimulation itself will be stimulating your body to produce more milk for the future. Some mums choose to hire hospital-grade double electric breast pumps but this may not be necessary. If you are pumping frequently, remember that you don’t need to wash and sterilise the pump each time. You can store the pump in the fridge in a plastic bag between sessions and just wash it thoroughly once a day.
3.  Supply and demand: You may get milk immediately, but if you don’t … don’t give up! The volume of milk will increase when the baby starts to feed directly from the breast and as time goes by. It may only take some women a few days to develop their supply. Others pump for several weeks before they see a significant increase in their supply. Everyone responds differently to the process of relactation so it’s very difficult to give a definite timeframe. If a baby will latch, you could also express directly after and /or between feedings. Expressing when the breast is emptier sends particularly valuable signals to the breasts to produce more milk. You may be able to find some time in the day when you ‘cluster pump’ and pump for ten minutes, break for 5, pump for another ten and repeat that a few times. Pumping should be pain-free. If your baby is happy to latch on and stay on the breast, it may not be necessary for you to pump at all. Power pumping is a good way to increase milk supply.
4. Hydrate: Don’t forget to drink lots of water and have enough rest. A good well-rested machine then can produce a good product right?
5.  Lactation Supplements: Take cookies, muffins, herbs or even medication (called ‘galactagogues’) to stimulate the hormones that govern their milk supply. Eat food that boosts milk will help too. By finding your milk booster, you will need to trial and error as the different body reacts differently to different food.

Continuing to feed other kinds of milk

It is likely that while you are building up your milk supply and getting the baby used to feed at the breast, you will also be feeding the baby formula. If you are using a bottle, you may want to consider using a technique called ‘baby-led bottle feeding’ (sometimes known as ‘paced bottle feeding’) which may help your baby transition to the breast. This slows the flow down and requires your baby to work a little harder.

Helping the baby to accept the breast

The baby may become frustrated by feeding from an empty breast at first, so you could try hand expressing enough (or pumping just for a moment) to trigger milk flow before putting the baby to the breast.

You want the baby to associate pleasure with being at the breast, so anything you can do to avoid making breastfeeding a battleground will be useful. It’s better not to ‘force’ the baby into a breastfeeding position but to gently enjoy time skin-to-skin and present opportunities. You could hand express some drips of milk or trickle milk into the baby’s mouth.

A baby may prefer to breastfeed when they are not desperately hungry or at certain times of the day. Especially when your baby is younger, spending time holding the baby tummy-down on your semi-reclined body will trigger innate feeding behaviour.

You could consider the use of a nursing supplement. This delivers milk from a bottle through a fine plastic tube that enters the baby’s mouth along with your nipple. This may help stop any frustration the baby might show at the breast and ensure that your breasts are stimulated to produce milk further.

A baby that is very accustomed to the bottle may accept the breast using a nipple shield but this is best done with the support of a breastfeeding counsellor or lactation consultant.

Things to consider:

Why did you stop breastfeeding in the first place? You might want to consider talking with a breastfeeding counsellor, lactation consultant or peer supporter before embarking on your journey to give it another go.

There may be changes in your body. There may be a change in your menstrual pattern as the baby nursing will affect your ovulation. Your breast may physically change in appearance too, the areola may be darker or the breast may be tender or feel full. Due to the hormone changes, you may feel emotionally different. Support is a great help if you are feeling any of these feelings but it is normally a sign that your body is starting to produce milk again.

Remember that if your baby will latch but you are not able to return to a full milk supply, they will still receive important benefits. And if you work hard to increase your supply but your baby is reluctant to latch, they can receive this expressed milk. That is still a valuable achievement.

Relactation may be difficult and time-consuming at times, but it IS possible. With the right support, information and dedication, relactation works for women every day and produces happy and valuable results. Confidence and self-belief will help you on your journey.

I’ll never forget how I struggled as a first-time breastfeeding mom–especially during the early days! My milk did not arrive until day 5, and I clearly remember taking a bath and looking at my breasts with tears streaming down my face.

“Milk! Come in! Come in!”

It had been my dream to breastfeed, and in my postpartum emotional daze, I thought my milk would never arrive.

I started looking thru the internet and asking family and friends.

I look thru the web and thought about what gave me what I believe to be the very BEST breastfeeding advice. I believe it was this wisdom that gave me the push I needed to persevere through those challenges and other breastfeeding challenges that have come over the course of my now 19-month breastfeeding journey:

Give it two weeks

That’s it? Yes, that’s it! It’s so simple yet profound.

Instead of feeling like you have to conquer this whole breastfeeding thing from your first days postpartum, just take it one day at a time, and resolve that, no matter what, you will continue to breastfeed for at least two weeks.

Once those two weeks are up, go ahead and add two more. Next, commit to breastfeeding for a month. Then make it two.

Before you know it, you will have breastfed for an entire year. That’s how it worked for me!

Those two weeks turned into:
9 months with Baby Girl #1
19 months and with Baby Girl #2

Just give it two weeks. I know you can do it!

Back To Work Pumping Tips

Many mothers breastfeed their infants when they are born and then change them over to formula when their maternity leaves end and they need to go back to work. However, not only are babies healthier when breastfed as long as possible and working mothers can continue to supply breast milk for their infants and still work a full-time job. Here’s how to pump while at work and some tips for breastfeeding mothers when they return to work.

Before you return

Decide to pump breast milk before or right after the baby is born

By planning, you can get the breast pump and all of the accessories you need before your baby is born. Now, you don’t find yourself rushing around a day or two before work to get everything you need.

Prepare Your Milk Bag in Advance

Your milk/Pump bag should contain a pump, tubing, 2 or 3 sets of accessories (flanges, attachments, and membranes), milk storage bags, labels and felt pen to date the milk you pump. Burp cloth, Breast wipes to clean your breast after pumping, photo of baby, and if there is no place to store milk at work (a refrigerator you can use) then you will need a cooler and several ice packs. But bear in mind the storage guideline and try to work around the schedule and the resources you have.

Start Saving up Milk Before Returning to Work

Once your infant is two or three months of age, you should begin pumping one extra time during the day and storing the milk in the freezer so that you begin to build up a supply of milk. Our wide range of lactation bakes can help you boost your milk supply along with the food list you can follow to find your magic booster.

Talk to Your Employer about what you need to pump at work

At a minimum, you need a private room to use about 3 times a day with good lighting and electricity and a comfortable chair and a table to sit the pump on. If your office doesn’t provide a nursing room, look around for any available nursing rooms around your vicinity.

Have a Practice Work Day

Before you return to work you should have a practice day to make sure you are prepared for pumping at work. Try and practice doing what you would do once you return to work including taking your baby to daycare, feeding them before taking them and after the workday, in the evening, and before bed and then pumping on scheduled breaks during the day.

Pumping as close to your baby drinking timing

Your pumping schedule should follow your babies normal eating schedule as close as possible. Keeping your schedule close to your infants normal eating schedule will help slow leaking and help to ensure a steady supply of milk and more comfort when pumping.

You need to maintain your milk supply 

You need to do everything you can to maintain to supply your milk supply including nursing your infant whenever you can. Getting in as many breastfeedings as possible since the baby feeding will help you maintain your milk supply. It is also important that you maintain your pumping schedule even if you only have a few minutes to pump because this will help to keep the milk flowing as well. Try your very best not to skip a pumping session. Do some power pumping if you have time.

Enlist help

To ease the transition, have another person (husband or partner, babysitter, grandparent) offer your expressed milk to your baby. Ideally, you should introduce the bottle or nipple no sooner than four weeks of age to ensure your supply is established, or at least two weeks before you return to work.

Once You Have Returned

Timing is everything

Know when to pump and when to breastfeed. Feeding your baby at the breast is ideal to keep up your supply and nurture them – so plan for that precious time. And remember to pump when you are away from your baby so your body gets the regular stimulation it needs to keep up your supply.

Plan when and where

Breastfeed just before you leave, when you return and before the baby’s bedtime. You may have to wake up earlier to get ready and still have time to nurse. You can nurse right when you return, depending on your schedule and when your caregiver has given the expressed milk. Feeding at the breast is the best way to drain your breasts and trigger more milk production so you may need to remind your caregiver not to feed your baby just before you return.

Take a deep breath

This will become second nature to you and your baby. We know that being a working, breastfeeding mom is not an easy task, but it’s well worth it.  We’re also here to support you, so check in with us if you need some extra guidance. We are not LC, but as a mom, we have our fair share of experiences (laughs)

Always Pack Your Milk/Pump bag the night before

Keep a checklist of what you need and refer to it when checking your bag. In addition, you might want to keep a spare set of accessories at work to use in an emergency in case you forget an attachment or flange. Wet hand wipes; Extra clothing, such as a top or sweater, to leave at work in case of leaks; Nursing pads;

Pumping mummies are hungry mummies

Snacks and lunch, including high protein healthy foods and drinks to keep you hydrated.

While providing your baby with breast milk once you return to work may pose a few logistical problems. However, they can be overcome by following these tips and now, who says going back to work is hard?

My baby is always hungry (or is she?)

One of the most common concerns I hear from parents is that they say their baby is always hungry. Often these parents question whether or not their baby is getting enough to eat, and breastfeeding moms may begin to question if they are making enough breastmilk. However, parents can be comforted to know that frequent feedings are often the way of it with babies- newborns in particular.

Little baby = little tummy = drinks small amount = Little tummies need filling more frequently.

Breastfed Newborns and Cluster Feeding

So, let’s start at the beginning. Cluster feeding, also known as bunch feeding, is when your little baby feeds several times over a period of a few hours. More often than not, cluster feedings appear in the evening hours. These bunched feedings serve the purpose of ramping up mom’s milk supply and also tanking up your baby on the nutrition that she needs. This is also why Power Pumping mimics cluster feedings and served as an important tool to increase milk supply.

What you need to realise is that

1) cluster feedings are completely normal,

2) they serve an important purpose in breastfeeding, and

3) thankfully, your baby will grow out of them (though they can reappear during periods of baby growth spurts.)

Bottle-fed Newborns and Spitting Up

Parents are often surprised to know that, generally speaking, newborns only need about 1 to 2 ounces of formula per feeding. Depending on the amount in the bottle, they may need to be fed anywhere from 8 to 12 times in 24 hours.

If you notice that your baby is spitting up excessively, then a sound suggestion is to decrease the amount of milk in the bottle but increase the number of bottles you offer in a day.

Understanding Baby Hunger Cues

Sometimes the problem is that parents are mistaking every fuss and whimper to be a sign that their baby is hungry.
Babies fuss for all sorts of reasons.

1. They are tired.
2. They are bored.
3. They are overstimulated.
4. They are uncomfortable.
5. They pooped.
6. They are having tummy ache
7. They are too hot
8. They are too cold
9. They need comfort
10. The list goes on and on.

Sometimes what parents need to do is be sure that something else is not causing the crying, and use different strategies to calm their fussy baby. All babies are different, and have different little ways of letting their parents know that they are hungry. Therefore as you and your baby gets to know one another, you will soon recognise your baby’s way of letting you know that that they are hungry.

However here are some of the typical hunger cues.

Common infant hunger cues include:

Crying. Every baby is different so, a mother needs to learn to interpret her own baby’s cry ( you will know ). A hunger cry is usually short, low-pitched, and rises and falls. But crying is actually one of the later signs of hunger. By the time a hungry baby is wailing, she may be too stressed to start eating easily.

Waking up and acting restless. Before your baby launches into a full-throated hunger wail, she’ll wake up and move around in her crib. She may also move her mouth and raise her hands to her face.

Sucking on her fist, smacking her lips. If you feed a breast-fed baby when you see these signs, rather than waiting, she’ll latch on more easily.

Rooting. During your baby’s first weeks, when you stroke her cheek, her natural reflex will be to turn toward the bottle or breast and make sucking motions with her mouth. After 4 months of age, rooting becomes a voluntary action rather than a reflex.

Opening her mouth while feeding. Translation: “More, please!” A hungry baby may continue to show interest in sucking even after finishing the first breast or bottle.

Smiling during feeding. Babies older than 4 months will show their interest in continuing to eat by looking at you and smiling as they feed.

Signs That Your Baby Is Full

Closing lips. Just as a hungry baby suckles readily, a full baby zips her lips, as if to say, “No more, thanks.”

Turning her head away. A more forceful version of closing her lips is to move her entire head away from the food source. If your baby turns away from your breast or a bottle, you shouldn’t force her to eat.

Decreasing or stopping sucking. Some full babies will stay latched on to the nipple but not suck any more—at which point, it’s time to gently end the session.

Spitting out the nipple or falling asleep when full. After about 15 to 20 minutes of feeding, a full baby will often act drowsy and may even fall asleep.

Showing increasing interest in surroundings rather than eating. At around 4 months old many babies begin to get distracted during feedings, as their awareness of the world around them grows. A hungry baby will put this curiosity on hold long enough to feel sated. When she begins looking around more distractedly, it’s a sign she’s had plenty.

How Often Should Baby Be Fed?

Until your baby has regained her birthweight, the recommendation is to feed about every two hours. Keeping in mind that cluster feeding is normal, and breastfeeding more frequently than that is okay. Demand feeding which is the practice of feeding a baby when it cries to be fed rather than at set times is recommended as well.

Hungry Babies and Solid Foods

Once your baby is eating solid foods (sometime between 4 to 6 months), again you need to tune into her cues to determine if she is hungry or not. These cues can be subtle. Your baby will turn his head away, lean back in his high chair, may refuse to open his mouth, or has stopped making eye contact with you (or the spoon!).

Your baby’s appetite will vary from meal to meal and from day to day. Do not bank that your baby will eat a certain amount at every breakfast, lunch or dinner. Simply watch your baby’s signs and feed him accordingly.

The Importance of Wet Diaper Counts

A very important part of knowing whether your baby is getting enough breastmilk or formula is to keep track of her daily wet diapers. Depending on your baby’s age, she should have a certain number of wet diapers and soiled diapers each day. If that number drops below the expected amount, it could be a sign that she is not getting enough to eat.